Since J Cole’s new album is getting so much press. It’s on target to break several records, not to mention, I identify with one of his songs from a previous album. It was fitting I pay homage to his success and title this blog, “Crooked Smile.”

In 1996, I was in a car accident that could have potentially claimed my life. God knew I still had business on this earth, so He spared my life.  I was driving home, from my then boyfriend’s house, who later became my ex-husband, at about 3 a.m. in the morning.  Despite his plea for me to stay overnight, I decided to leave anyway, thinking I wasn’t too tired to make it home.  Plus, I lived with my mother at the time and I wanted to be respectful, therefore staying out all night was not a good idea.  I was five minutes from home when I must have fallen asleep and hit a utility pole.  If you’re from Gary, IN,  it was the pole in front of “Rib It” on Route 12 in Miller.  I don’t remember about the actual crash much, except the paramedics talking and the flashing light from the ambulance. The urgency in their voice indicated something terrible must have happened, and I was on my way to the hospital. Oh, Wait! Did I mention, my 2-month old daughter was in the backseat?

Thankfully my friend, whom I call my guardian angel to date (Barry King), was driving that morning. He observed the crash. Recognized my car and drove to my Mom’s house to inform her of the crash and that I was transported to the hospital.  As a mother, I’m sure my Mom was freaking out, unsure if I was going to live or die. At the time, I had no idea the severity of the crash, but if you can visualize the following, I will try to paint the picture:  First, the car was TOTALED! Second, my face had swollen so badly that every time I saw my reflection in the mirror, I would cry saying, I looked like the guy from the movie “Mask.”  Third, a piece of the cartilage between my nostrils was missing, requiring stitches and a slight alteration to the point in my nose.  I remember the physician joking about, how my nose will look better than Michael Jackson’s once he’s done.  Although he did a great job, if you look closely enough, it’s still slightly crooked. Finally, the damage that altered my smile for several years. I guess the impact from hitting the steering wheel dislodged my front tooth so badly that my top and bottom teeth could touch with my mouth slightly opened.  To fix it, the dentist had to push my tooth back into place, and stabilize it with a wiring.  Keep in mind; the wiring was to be removed after two weeks with the potential I could lose the tooth permanently.  I was afraid of losing my tooth, so I decided to keep the wiring for more than two weeks, how about several years.

Wait, I almost forgot! I’m sure you’re wondering, what happened to the baby! She slept through it all and escaped the crash without a scratch. As for me, I was a hot mess, but I guess God had a plan for the both of us (forever faithful).

Now, I had to give you all of this history because it was important for you to understand why my smile was then and remains, “Crooked”.  My perfectly straighten teeth was altered because of a crash that could have taken my life. However, instead of being thankful to be alive, I was more concerned with my smile and how it would be received by others. Priorities, right!  I was always complimented on my smile and later I realized, these compliments began to define who I was as a person.  So much so, that I left wiring in my mouth for years when it was only to be there for weeks.  Can you imagine the damage leaving that wiring in my mouth unattended caused?  Yes, more damage than walking around with a crooked smile! For years I covered my smile, and for me, that was often. I love to smile, laugh and have a great time.  I began noticing the people I laughed with beginning to cover their smiles.  I remember thinking, why are you hiding your smile, your teeth are perfect? It’s amazing how people pick up your insecurities and adopt them as their own.  I began perfecting my smile in the mirror, smiling just enough to show a little white from my teeth but not too much that you saw the crookedness.  I found this behavior limiting, prohibiting me from enjoying laughter, pictures and just being authentic. I felt cheated. I finally became tired of hiding a part of whom I was, and a significant part of my story.

I chose to face my fears and make an expensive trip to the dentist. I spent several thousand dollars on dental work: to remove the wiring, fix the cavities, root canals, and teeth whitening.  All of this, just so I could be myself again.  Isn’t it funny how living with insecurities cost you more than just living life, perfectly imperfect? Although I still need to get more work done. I will probably keep my “Crooked Smile.” It’s part of my story, and more importantly it’s part of my testimony!

Moral of the story:  Love the skin you’re in…if people are looking for something, they will find it anyway…Do you Boo!

“We ain’t picture perfect but we worth the picture still”….J Cole